YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME I'M BEAUTIFUL, I KNOW I AM, BUT THANKS ANYWAY.

It's mating season in south Florida, that odd ritual when old men with wrinkled skin dance in the sun in a vain attempt to attract a female partner.

Tennessee Williams said it best in The Night of the Iguana when he penned these words:

"And intercourse not well designed

For beings of a golden kind

Whose native green must arch above

The earth's obscene corrupting love"

Love is like that, or maybe its just passion but it seems a great deal of energy comes into play selecting a desirable partner. I always assumed, as a male in hot pursuit (formally so after 40 years of marriage) the male of the species was exerting all of the energy in the mating ritual but recent research has shown the mating "dance" is energetically costly for females as well, surprising because this runs counter to conventional scientific wisdom.

Until recently researchers assumed choosiness demands comparatively little exertion from females while males put a great deal of effort into courtship. Just watch any male on the beach as he sidles up to a female, hunches his back and begins to rock back and forth – one would think all that is left for the female is to amble into the males' territory, watch this flamboyant behavior and choose the male they want, while simply avoiding other suitors. Easier said than done!

As it turns out avoiding energetic but unwanted males is in itself exhausting, and often causes the choosiest females to loose as much as 25 %of their body weight. What’s more the longer they spend in the company of the attractive males, the more weight they lose. This new research by Princeton University could be bad news for Jenny Craig.

Take my friend Bruce for example. Bruce is not a Reverend but had he been he surely would have been defrocked like the Reverend Dr. T. Lawrence Shannon from the pages of The Night of the Iguana. Bruce is one of those sun baked guys with a very young and very attractive wife. I often wondered what exactly constituted his power of attraction and how his wife maintained such a girlish figure. During a recent visit I spotted the answer, an elegant coffee table book that contained all one needs to know about attracting the opposite sex while exerting the least amount of effort. A combination adventure story, drink compendium, cookbook, and all around how-to-book on all things related to attracting the opposite sex The Iguana Cookbook was a complete surprise.

It seems Iguana meat is considered an aphrodisiac and can be prepared in a variety of interesting ways. If you doubt me check it out yourself at http://www.iguanacookbook.com/

Like any good cookbook The Iguana Cookbook starts with the basics - prepare a drink paired to the dish at hand. In my unscientific test the collection of drink recipes were each tried and determined to be more than suitable to accompany any of the recipes. In fact your humble correspondent would prefer to paraphrase Ogden Nash - “Iguana meat is neat, but liquor is quicker”. For the inexperienced cook the recipes are meticulously explained beginning with the most basic instruction – “First catch the Iguana”. For that you might have to enlist George Cera, the author and renowned Iguana hunter. Seems he has captured over 16,000 in his illustrious career. Then there is the great debate, “Is it a fish?” Great news for Catholics, the Church considers Iguana meat a fish (go figure) so Friday night date night is sanctioned by the Church.

But back to Bruce. Not one to take any chances Bruce has covered all his bases. Not only did he purchase the book, he decided he needed a ready supply of Iguana meat close at hand and like the male of every species he is obsessed with size.

As Bruce would say, "There are worse things than chastity, Reverend Dr. Shannon".